Put YOU First

/ Mike Tivey

Putting ‘first things first’ isn’t a new idea. For our purpose today I’d like to take a unique approach. The idea here is that you (and those around you) will get the best results when you ‘put YOU first.’

Many of us are conditioned to put other’s needs before own – this is learned from those around us and often reinforced by a culture that rewards ‘selflessness’ and punishes ‘selfishness.’

I’m not saying that being concerned about other’s needs (and even putting these needs before our own at times) is somehow bad. Actually the decision to be ‘selfless’ is in many ways uniquely human. There is discussion emerging around the benefits of tapping into our ‘right brain’ and allowing us to see ourselves as connected to something larger.

While high concern for others is admirable and no doubt beneficial, we’ll never be able to deliver our full potential without high concern FIRST for ourselves. To give OTHERS our best we must first discover ways to be OUR best — day-to-day and moment-to-moment.

One of the better ways to convey this idea of putting ourselves first is the experience we’ve all had when boarding an airplane. Before takeoff, you’re told to “put your own mask on first” BEFORE “assisting children or other passengers.” The reason for this advice is clear: if you don’t first take care of yourself, you put both you and the other person you’re trying to help in danger.

Sounds obvious, right?

But how often do you apply this same ‘obvious’ thinking in your daily routine? How often do you find yourself trying to first take care of those around you? Nourishing them first. Comforting them first. Motivating them first. Teaching them first. Solving their problems first.

Before you can nourish you must be nourished. Before you can comfort you must feel comforted. Before you can motivate you must be motivated. Before you can teach you must learn. Before you can solve others’ problems you must solve your own.

You may ask… what about my children?… what about my parents?… what about my team?… what about my [insert any other dependent here]?

Yes, I do recognize and appreciate how much the people who depend on us pull on our attention, focus, and energy. They need us. But for a moment let’s break our conditioning – the stories we tell ourselves and the underlying fear driving our subconscious – and consider the cost associated with putting other’s needs before our own.

Those that depend on you need you to put on their oxygen mask. If you don’t, they won’t make it. How will you take care of others if you’re passed out from oxygen deprivation because it wouldn’t ‘look good’ if others saw you putting yours’ on first or because of what you tell yourself you’re ‘supposed to’ do? Focusing on others before first taking care of yourself, ironically, may do them more harm than good.

Your best doesn’t come when your mind and body are starving for oxygen. ‘Put YOU first’ today and discover ways to be your best so that you can deliver better results for those around you.

I’ll leave you with specific daily routines that I’ve read about, experimented with, and some that I ultimately implemented. You’ll notice a clear emphasis on morning routines. I’ve embedded links to additional resources and readings.

I’ve also included the estimated time it takes to complete each. Putting your needs first doesn’t mean focusing on yourself all day long. The point isn’t to take 3 hours putting on your oxygen mask. It’s about finding fast, effective ways to meet your needs first so that you can be in the best place physically, mentally, and emotionally to deliver for those that depend on you.

Let’s get specific about what you begin doing today!

Routines – this is what works for these specific individuals and may not work the same, or in the same way, for you

  • My Personal ‘go-to’ Routines
    • Mindfulness (10 min)
      • I prefer the term ‘mindfulness’ over ‘meditation.’ Call it what you want, but it’s a common daily practice among many top performers. This routine can be a game-changer.
    • Journaling (10-15 min)
      • Think of your brain as a computer. There is limited capacity available (mental RAM). Putting thoughts on paper frees up that capacity. Not to mention it’s powerful to reread your entries weekly, monthly, or quarterly to appreciate your growth and come back to good, even great, ideas you had in the moment but would have lost if not for writing it down.
    • Bed on time, Up on time
      • Regular time for me (7 days per week) is 9-930 PM bed and up at 6-630 AM
      • More than the obvious known benefits of sleep, I find that going to bed at a regular time and getting up at a regular time is critical. There is a certain rhythm and momentum that builds day over day. And it makes those occasional late nights easier to recover from.
  • Specific Routines from Top Performers
    • Tony Robbins (life coach, entrepreneur, philanthropist)
      • Morning ‘priming’ (10-20 minutes)
        • Breathing, gratitude, visualization, and much more. Having completed this routine, and still doing on occasion, I can tell you it gets your mind and body ALIVE.
        • Check it out here & don’t knock it until you try it!
    • Tim Ferriss (4x best-selling author, entrepreneur, life-style design)
      • Morning routine outlined in “Tools of Titans” (~30 minutes)
        • Make your bed
        • Practice mindfulness (meditate)
        • Physical priming -> 5-10 reps of something (i.e pushups)
          • 30/60 second cold shower
        • ‘5 minute journal’
          • I am grateful for… (3 things)
          • What would make today great?… (3 things)
          • Affirmations: I am… (3 things)
    • Ray Dalio (investor & philanthropist, in league with Warren Buffett)
      • Transcendental meditation (~40 min)
        • 2 times per day (20 minutes each)
        • Best before breakfast & before dinner

Resources

  • ‘Right Brain’ insights –  I mentioned in passing the idea of the benefits of tapping into the ‘right brain.’ If this has you curious, take 15 minutes and watch this TedTalk from Jill Bolte Taylor
  • Calm app (meditation) – free download from the Apple Store. I use this app every day. Best way I know to begin practicing meditation.
  • Ray Dalio podcast interview – he discusses his meditation practice and much, much more. Great resource for those interested in Finance

Reading

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