If you want better results, ask better questions…

There is an art to asking better questions. While I’ve perhaps advanced from novice to journeyman, I’m still no expert when it comes to asking questions. That’s because asking good, or even great, questions takes time and practice.

Not all questions are created equal.

Our questions allow us to create meaning from experience. The quality of the question determines the quality of the meaning we create. Finally our meaning we create then determines our action — what we ultimately think, say, or do.

So if you’re looking for better results – say with your body, your relationships, or your career – a good place to start is with the questions you ask yourself. Are you asking questions that create empowering meanings and lead to empowering actions?

Let’s walk through a simple example.

Imagine that you’re looking for better results with your body. Consider the following questions:

“Why is it so easy for others to look good, but not me? When will I ever learn to control myself? Why can’t I stay disciplined enough to exercise regularly?”

Think about the answers to these questions. When asked at best we walk away feeling undesirable, uncontrolled, and undisciplined. You can feel the negative self-talk waiting to unleash itself with answers to each of these questions. There is little chance of an empowering action.

Now consider these questions:

“What can I learn from those that make it seem so easy to look good? What strategy, system, or tool can I use to better control my impulses? How can I increase my motivation level so that being disciplined about regular exercise isn’t as much of a challenge?”

Feel the difference? These questions will lead to very different answers and create a very different meaning. There is a high chance of empowering action. All that is different is the quality of the questions.

3 more specific examples:

Typical career question: “why am I always the one to get overlooked for a promotion?”

Better question: “what specific skills or experience do I need so that I’m the obvious choice for the next promotion?”

Typical relationship question: “how come he/she never listens to me?”

Better question: “how can I communicate my ideas, thoughts, and feelings more convincingly?”

Typical life question: “why is this happening to me?”

Better question: “what lesson can I learn from this experience that will make me stronger, more intelligent, and better prepared to seize the next opportunity?”

How you can start to ‘ask better questions’ today:

• Reflect on the typical questions you ask or hear others ask. Write them down. Then try and create a ‘better’ question. Use my examples above as a model.
• Learn more about the art of asking questions. Begin here: Asking the Right Questions – Tony Robbins
• Feel like you have the ‘question’ concept figured out? Expand your thinking about questions here: How to Ask Better Questions – Mike Vaughan